1. Madrid, 1932: Ernest Hemingway cruises for Rough Trade.
2. Now we know why Baptists eschew terrorism: it could lead to dancing.
3. "Ah, little Ahmed! The boy who used to molest my goats. Wow, you've gotten big. So, how's the jihad treating you?"
4. Ahmed thanks his ACLU attorney and prepares to board the New York subway.
5. "Damn, you weren't kidding, that is one ginormous goiter. May I touch it?"
6. "Look, it was just a one-night stand. Get over it."
7. "Gee, dude, why is 'ArchDuke Ferdinand' back there in such a pissy mood?"
8. "... and as he started to go/He said 'Ahmed, keep your head low/Ahmed, don't be a martyr/Come back to me...'"
9. "Welcome back from the Intifadah, son. We left your room just the way you left it. And we had the gimp costume dry-cleaned."
10. "Are those Bugle Boy fatigues you're wearing?"