1. Tyler covered his ears. "I knew this was an intervention! I knew it! I knew it!"
2. "Check it out. Dick Cheney is shtupping Cokie Roberts under the bleachers... and signalling Kobe that he's open!"
3. When his friends were tripping, Tyler enjoyed screwing with their minds by pretending his head was detachable.
4. "What the hell is a chafing dish, anyway?" "It's a traditional serving piece used to keep food warm for buffets and brunches." "I thought that was a Crock-Pot." "No, that's for cooking all day."
5. "Ever since we watched that old Scanners movie, Tyler's not taking any chances."
6. "Hey, did you guys also sense the sudden drop in atmospheric pressure?"
7. "... And the rockets red glare/The bombs bursting in air/In Bushco's illegal oil war for Isreal..." Cindy Sheehan was never invited to sing the national anthem again.
8. "Wellie, wellie, wellie, my droogs. Who's up for a night of ultraviolence?"
9. "Do you guys ever imagine what it would be like to be out on the field, cheering your heart out, wearing a darling little skirt that came all the way up your thighs and shaking your pom-poms. Guys? Guys?"
10. Oh, what the Hell. "That's a pretty good Macauley Culkin impression, but Michael Jackson's not having any more sleepovers at Neverland."