Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Open Car Trunk Week Continues

1. "Okay, honey, next time, when I ask you to back up, press the accelerator gently."

2. "This reminds me of the time I was performing cunnilingus on Jennifer Lopez."

3. "Now, just slip the panel back into place, tip off the Border Guards, and Senator McCain will have some explaining to do when he gets back from Mexico. Man, I love working for Karl Rove."

4. "Hmm, standard collapsing circuit detonator, cheap Seiko timer ... very amateurish, Senator Clinton. You're going to have to do better than this to go into the primaries as a sympathetic widow."

5. Tired of hearing "Are we there yet?" on the annual trek to Provincetown, Andrew Sullivan rams the boyfriend's head into the trunk and slams the lid on him, breaking both his legs.

6. "Hurry up and bring me the gas can," Senator Byrd yelled. "That cross isn't gonna go up by itself."

7. It was pitched as Dukes of Hazzard meets Christine meets Little Shop of Horrors, but not even Ron Howard could salvage the muddled mess that was Car Shark!

8. "Hey! What happened to all the beer you looted?"

9. The Clintons were fastidious about having forensic evidence scrubbed from their cars every 3,000 miles.

10. "All right, Senator Kennedy, we'll have the ignition interlock disabled in about two minutes. I agree, those DWI laws are stupid. Who passes those things?"

Photo: Detroit News

19 comments:

Van Helsing said...

Give this guy some swim fins and he'll have Fred Flintstone's car converted to an amphibious vehicle.

Divine Miss M said...

Insert 'Butt Drilling' joke here:________.

bubbalove said...

As the mechanic bent over to look at what appeared to be Arkansas State Trooper Badges, hotel key cards and miscellaneous I.D's, the Clinton's cannabalistic trunk monkey struck again!

von said...

Bob always took his job seriously, but when they found him getting intimate with a LeSabre they had to draw the line.

SOTG said...

OK, all these captions had me snorting. Nice!

SOTG said...

The years of research had finally come to fruition... Man and machine had finally been merged... The only trouble, it wasn't really useful for anything.

SOTG said...

Sean Penn makes damn sure to check for any drainage plugs in his car before "setting sail" with his photographer this time.

SOTG said...

Ms. Garafolo, coffin nowhere in sight, shrieked as the sun slowly arose over the horizon. Her only refuge, the cool, dark trunk of the abandoned Chrysler.

SOTG said...

The "Dahmer Mobile" was a bust at the police auction when the trunk unexpectedly sprang open revealing various "leftovers"

SOTG said...

"Oh, I think I see your problem right here, Ms. Sheehan... You're a raving lunatic moonbat!"

SOTG said...

"OK Mr. Kennedy, I can install it right... here. For the life of me, I can't understand why you'd want an underwater escape hatch installed."

SOTG said...

"FEED ME, SEYMOUR!"

SOTG said...

I just knew they'd screw up the sequel to "Repo Man".

SOTG said...

Spotting and diving for the loose M&M in the trunk, Michael Moore screams "DIBS!" and promptly dies from the tire jack lodged in his trachea.

SOTG said...

Jane Fonda's Buick, also capable of running on vegetable oil, has a very unusual exhaust system.

G&R said...

When I saw this picture, the first thing that came to mind was . . .

Tommy: Hey, I'll tell you what. You can take a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?
Mr. Brady: [confused] What? I'm failing to make the connection here, son.
Tommy: No, I mean, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass, but then . . . no. It's gotta be your bull.
Richard: [embarrased] Wow.
Tommy: Here's the deal. If I want you . . .
Richard: You have de-railed.

Kevin Walker said...

Andrew Sullivan was once again disappointed when his Google Image search for "heads in rears" came up with this.

Rodney Dill said...

When Trunk Monkeys go bad!

Merovign said...

"You pull, I'll push, and we'll have Mr. Moore out of the back seat in time for lunch! Although I think I just lost my appetite..."