1. "Okay, honey, next time, when I ask you to back up, press the accelerator gently."
2. "This reminds me of the time I was performing cunnilingus on Jennifer Lopez."
3. "Now, just slip the panel back into place, tip off the Border Guards, and Senator McCain will have some explaining to do when he gets back from Mexico. Man, I love working for Karl Rove."
4. "Hmm, standard collapsing circuit detonator, cheap Seiko timer ... very amateurish, Senator Clinton. You're going to have to do better than this to go into the primaries as a sympathetic widow."
5. Tired of hearing "Are we there yet?" on the annual trek to Provincetown, Andrew Sullivan rams the boyfriend's head into the trunk and slams the lid on him, breaking both his legs.
6. "Hurry up and bring me the gas can," Senator Byrd yelled. "That cross isn't gonna go up by itself."
7. It was pitched as Dukes of Hazzard meets Christine meets Little Shop of Horrors, but not even Ron Howard could salvage the muddled mess that was Car Shark!
8. "Hey! What happened to all the beer you looted?"
9. The Clintons were fastidious about having forensic evidence scrubbed from their cars every 3,000 miles.
10. "All right, Senator Kennedy, we'll have the ignition interlock disabled in about two minutes. I agree, those DWI laws are stupid. Who passes those things?"
Photo: Detroit News