Thursday, September 08, 2005

News Item: Obese Moron to Make Katrina Documentary

1. "I'm a fat-assed freak/A hog without restraining/My appetite is immense/cos, oh, me so hungry/ Oh, me so hungry/Oh, me so hungry/Me shite a long time..."

2. "Bring me Solo and the Wookie. They will all suffer for this outrage."

3. "But when you're an overweight child, in a society that demands perfection, your sense of right and wrong, fair and unfair will always be tragically skewed."

4. "Yo... (wheeze) ... Kobe ... (gasp)... over here (gasp wheeze)... I'm... (drops dead from a massive coronary)..."

5. "And to save money making my Katrina documentary, we re-used clips from I Am Sam for Sean Penn's scenes. Test audiences couldn't tell the difference."

6. "Can you spare fifty cents a day to help a starving child in Africa? I'm Sally Struthers, for Feed the Children..."

7. "And then I said, 'Do I want to supersize those? Take a guess, wage slave!'"

8. "5,000 relief meals missing? I don't (burp) know anything about that."

9. Because test audience became physically nauseated as Michael Moore rubbed the burger over his scantily-clad body while he sang,"Thinkin' of you's workin' up an appetite/Lookin' forward to a little afternoon delight..." Hardee's decided to go with another Paris Hilton commercial instead.

10. "Yep, I ate the Church Lady and stole her glasses. Isn't that special?"

From: MSNBC on a tip from The Corner

18 comments:

von said...

I've lost an incredible 5 POUNDS here at fat camp! I'm telling you guys, this is amazing!

Kevin Walker said...

"No, Michael. That is not an ice cream cone. Whoops, too late."

Lizabeth said...

i can't do any better, but #5 about Sean Penn made me nearly fall of my chair.

bubbalove said...

"I tell you, Katrina had 145 mph winds created by the Bush Hurricane Generator. Do you know what wind that strong feels like? No? Well, here, someone pull all five of my fingers."

bubbalove said...

"..and this one time, at fat camp, I stuck a foot-long sub up my butt!"

Van Helsing said...

In a rare attempt to do something positive, Moore pledges to let the Army Corps of Engineers use his ass to hold back Lake Pontchartrain until new levees can be built.

V the K said...

"..and this one time, at fat camp, I stuck a foot-long sub up my butt!"

ROFLMAO

Divine Miss M said...

ROFLMAO, too.

Too bad Moore can't ROTHALhisownAO!

SOTG said...

Representing the Film Actors Guild, Michael Moore demands to know where the Team America headquarters is located.

SOTG said...

Linda Rondstadt as she appears today.

SOTG said...

"...And this 'documentary' will be different... In Fahrenheit, I used soldiers... but no one really cares about soldiers... Everyone knows that they are part of the cause, not the solution... So THIS time, I have cast poor black people in the sympathetic rolls! MMMMM.... rolls...

We have just completed filming a pivotal scene where African Americans were forced, FORCED to eat the bodies of their own neighbors!... Is anybody else in here getting hungry?"

SOTG said...

No one noticed the 10,000 volt jolt suffered by Mr.Moore when he attempted to lick the microphone.

SOTG said...

"When an elephant makes love to a pig."

AM42 said...

"I'm not fat, I'm just big boned."

Jonathan said...

ROFLMAO at #9...that's just dead-#ss wrong!! :-)

Jonathan said...

Obscure South Park reference:

"Follow your dreams. You can meet your goals. I am living proof. Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!!!" --Eric Cartman (Weight Gainer 4000).

lawhawk said...

How did Michael Moore escape detection by the Army Corps of Engineers. I could swear that they needed all the sandbags that they could find to fill the breaks in the levees.

It's another government failure, I tell ya!

Submariner said...

"I'm not overweight, I'm under-tall. Errrrr, How tall should I be? Does anyone know the specs on a Saturn V?"