1. "How Witty! Mimicking the amputation of a man's genitalia. You're a regular Maureen Dowd."
2. "Look, I'm a middle-aged man wearing a baseball cap backwards in the manner of teenagers. Does it not enhance my credibility with the young people of today?"
3. Meanwhile, in the background, Senator Barbara Mikulski, unschooled in the hygienic peculiarities of the anti-war crowd, steps in what she thinks is 'dog' poop.
4. Subconsciously, she means she wishes Bush would do her twice. Subconsciously, he'd like to give Bush a Lewinsky and wants to make sure his hat doesn't get in the way.
5. "Dammit, Louise, I trust you with my primo Maui Chronic for two seconds and you drop the blunt."
6. "Oh, sure... you get to live out your fantasy of molesting a cardboard cutout of a Republican. But what about my fantasy of a four-way with a beermaid, a skinny punk rock girl, and a really fat chick?"
7. "That Cindy Sheehan is one hot momma. Hey, Louise, would you consider wearing shorts, letting the grease build up on your face, and maybe getting three or four molars knocked out?"
8. "Oh, don't forget, hon'. Next week, we're going to protest against Wal-Mart for taking jobs away from American workers. Should we take the Volvo or the Lexus?"
9. "The bulge isn't real, Louise. You're having another flashback."
10. "I may disagree with his war policy, but I have to admire his ability to fart musically."
From Narley on a Tip From Van Helsing