Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Moron Festival III: The Search For Moonbats

1. "How Witty! Mimicking the amputation of a man's genitalia. You're a regular Maureen Dowd."

2. "Look, I'm a middle-aged man wearing a baseball cap backwards in the manner of teenagers. Does it not enhance my credibility with the young people of today?"

3. Meanwhile, in the background, Senator Barbara Mikulski, unschooled in the hygienic peculiarities of the anti-war crowd, steps in what she thinks is 'dog' poop.

4. Subconsciously, she means she wishes Bush would do her twice. Subconsciously, he'd like to give Bush a Lewinsky and wants to make sure his hat doesn't get in the way.

5. "Dammit, Louise, I trust you with my primo Maui Chronic for two seconds and you drop the blunt."

6. "Oh, sure... you get to live out your fantasy of molesting a cardboard cutout of a Republican. But what about my fantasy of a four-way with a beermaid, a skinny punk rock girl, and a really fat chick?"

7. "That Cindy Sheehan is one hot momma. Hey, Louise, would you consider wearing shorts, letting the grease build up on your face, and maybe getting three or four molars knocked out?"

8. "Oh, don't forget, hon'. Next week, we're going to protest against Wal-Mart for taking jobs away from American workers. Should we take the Volvo or the Lexus?"

9. "The bulge isn't real, Louise. You're having another flashback."

10. "I may disagree with his war policy, but I have to admire his ability to fart musically."

From Narley on a Tip From Van Helsing

14 comments:

SOTG said...

That's right, the president is a whole 2 inches longer tan my husband here.

SOTG said...

See Robert? He's got two of the huge hairy danglers right here! Where are YOUR balls, Robert? Mother was right, I should have married a Republican!

SOTG said...

Guy on left's thought bubble: "Hee hee... I'm rubbing his bottom... tee hee."

SOTG said...

Ain't this the kind of stuff Lyndie England just got 3 years for?

SOTG said...

"That's right, I want to do him twice!"

SOTG said...

"See Helen, I told you I'd find you a man!... Only, don't get too much saliva or women-juice on him or he'll disintegrate."

SOTG said...

In the Bizzaro Moonbat Universe, the Skipper is a thin, elderly, bi-curious man, Gilligan is a large, angry lesbian, and both of them have a genitalia fixation on the Professor.

SOTG said...

I normally feel a sense of pride when I see the red, white, and blue on display...

Normally.

SOTG said...

The boots are all he would need to kick the shit out of these whackos Texas style.

SOTG said...

"We ask that the defendant stand adjacent to our cutout with his hat on backwards, your honor. Good. Now Johnnie, is this where he touched you?"

SOTG said...

Is the Code Pink oinker in the back lookin' for a cookie on the ground?

SOTG said...

"Cardboard George Bush hates three dimensional people!"

Submariner said...

Hmmmmmmm,

Methinks that even a cardboard W. is more of a man than anyone else at the rally.

Van Helsing said...

Harvey patiently awaits his turn. Once his wife gets the cardboard crotch primed, he'll be ready to go to work.