1. "Damn, that bar must have been darker than I thought."
2. "C'mon baby, let me show you to my swing-pad. Have you ever seen hardcore p0rn on a 42-inch screen? It will blow your mind."
3. "Yup, here I am, young and cute and full of life, and there you are, Grandma. Just running out the clock. One slip-and-fall away from the oblivion of eternal night. Ain't it a bitch?"
4. "Hurry up, Grandma! I wanna show you the video I found of grandpa in black socks and a leather mask wrestling with the UPS man."
5. "Just a few more steps, she'll come up to the trip-wire and, 'Hell-o big fat inheritance.'"
6. "We told Dog the Bounty Hunter to F*ck himself, so you'll probably be safe here for a while, grandma."
7. "Don't be afraid, Grandma, they just sent me to make your journey to the spirit world easier."
8. "The bathroom's right up this way, Grandma. You think you can hold it in this time? We had to pay two hundred bucks to clean the carpets the last time you brought your incontinent ass over to visit."
9. "O.K., explain to me again about the negatives, and how Dick Cheney wants you killed." Whispering, "Call 9-1-1. Call 9-1-1!"
10. Grandma chuckled to herself, "O.K., Billy, I'll come up and see where the 'Pinhead' man showed you the portal to the Hell Realm."
Apologies to: Here