Sunday, September 11, 2005

Celebrities Pretending to Care

1. "Fifty? ... Oh, man, you're busting my balls."

2. "Oh yeah...Do me you hot stud..Oh god you're so big...mmmm..harder...I'm coming... ...oh yes...yes...!"

3. "Yeah, yeah, you lost your house in the hurricane and the police shot your dog. Boo hoo. We all got problems."

4. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I got mail! I got mail! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

5. "...OK, so that's one DVD of "Amateur Lesbian Fetishes" one DVD of "Naughty Cowgirls" And you also want the "Janet Reno Goes Anal" series, which is only available in VHS. Will that be....Huh? I'm sorry, we don't sell videos on murdering your husband and getting away with it, try Time-Life ...and how will you be paying for this, Mrs. Clinton, Visa or Mastercard?"

6. Giving Hurricane Katrina victims $2000 shopping cards led to boom times at QVC.

7. "Hello, you have reached the support group for people who've been emotionally damaged by Ben Affleck movies. For Jersey Girl Press 1, For Surviving Christmas, Press 2, for Daredevil, Press 3, For Gigli, hang up and dial 9-11, for Dogma... "

8. "Is this the Cocksucker residence?... 4215 Pussy Way?..."

9. "Telethon for Monaco... Do we have Prince Albert in the Can?... Well, if blowing truckers at a rest area counts, then, yeah, sure."

10. "Damn, girl, what kind of sick chick sucks helium before calling a hurricane relief... oh, sorry Kathy Ireland, I didn't realize it was you."


Van Helsing said...

"Psychic Hotline appreciates your business, Governor Blanco. I'm sorry would couldn't see anything in your future but contempt and ridicule."

Divine Miss M said...

(Obscure British comedy reference) "American Express? That'll do nicely, sir. And would you like to rub my tits, too?"

Anonymous said...

Diaz: "Thanks for your generous gift. Now remember - do NOT vote for George Bush in the 06' mid-term elections. - If you do, then rape will become legal. bye!"

E-HO said...


press 4...

Pearl Harbor - the song:

I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark
when he made Pearl Harbor.

I miss you more than that movie missed the point
and that's a lot girl. And now, now you've gone away
and all I'm trying to say is Pearl Harbor sucked
and I miss you.

I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school.
He was terrible in that film.
I need you more than Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part.
He's way better than Ben Affleck and now,
all I'm trying to say is Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.

Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies.
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked just a little bit more than
I miss you.

bubbalove said...

Mariah: "So, can you FedEx me the that looted prozac yet or not?"

Dennis: "Where is she? Who's she bangin'? Whaddya mean ya don't know? Dammit, I'm paying you 300 bucks a day to keep tabs on Meg and you tell me this crap?!"

Cameron: "Sergei, please...I paid you what you asked..stop calling me!"

SOTG said...

Cameron: "What do you mean I should pay YOU for 'Charlie's Angels"?!?"

SOTG said...

"No sir, Sean Penn is currently not available. Here's the number for his personal 'Red Cup Rescue Fund'..."

SOTG said...

Dennis: "That's right, Meg... Yup, right here next to me on live T.V.... And you won't BELIEVE what she's doing with her right hand, Meg..."