1. Inside Cindy Sheehan's mind: The Magic Dwarf has just told her to offer Jesse Jackson erotic massage.
2. "Nice Try, Ricky, but I can think of at least one flaw in your planned paternity suit against Elton John."
3. "This is Emmanuel Lewis for the Emergency Broadcast System. As you can see, Mount Ranier is about to exterminate every living thing in the Pacific Northwest with a massive release of toxic gas. There's nothing you can do about it, so, wear something kinky and enjoy some last minute kite-flying."
4. A few of the warning signs that you're paying too much for 'Holistic Electrolysis.'
5. "Okay, now say each of these kites is a sperm, and the cross-dressing midget in the foreground is an ovum..."
6. Michael Jackson sighed. "Dressing up the midgets is kind of kinky, but, dammit, it's just not the same."
7. Colorado, 1997: "Dammit, I lost to that bitch JonBenet again! I'm gonna fix her ass but good!"
8. Gary Coleman stars in: "The Littlest, Most Sexually Ambiguous Pimp Goes to Iceland."
From Vaughan and Miss M, who suggest the captions:
"It started off as a great trip, but a couple hours into it, that kid from Webster showed up as the marshall of the gay pride parade and then these giant windex-colored sea creatures hovered and undulated over me...oh, wow, man, which way to the bummer tent?"
The Cyan Cthulhu kites cavort cheerfully under cloudlessly clear cerulian skies."