The Usual Gang of Idiots

1. Give it up, Scheherazade. They're obviously fags.

2. "Guys, she's been standing there like that for the last twenty minutes, not moving! Did you, like, check her dosage?"

3. "Dudes, maybe it's just the pot talking, but I am absolutely convinced that the belly-dancing chick is actually Karl Rove."

4. "The way she's flaunting that Nordstrom scarf around, I strongly doubt Winona Ryder has learned her lesson."

5. Stevie Nicks desperately twirled on, but John, Mick, and Lindsey had gotten distracted and started playing with a kitten that had wandered on-stage. Concert-goers could be forgiven for concluding that Fleetwood Mac just didn't care.

6. "Guys! Your farting contest is distracting them from my Interpretive Peace Dance!"

7. Girls. With. Armpit. Hair. Should. Not. Sing. "I Touch Myself." In. Public.

8. "Oh, crap, Brigitte Neilson is running up to grab my boobs. Better cover 'em up!"

9. Gliding through space-time on a magnificent cocktail of Paxil, Zyprexa, and Windex, Lila refused to let anyone take the stage until she had captured all the mosquitoes faeries in her magic gossamer veil.

10. "Guys. You're supposed to be doing my sound-check. Stop chasing the toad. It's not the kind you get high from licking! F-ing Stoners!"

Hat Tip: Right Equals Might