1. "Put your hand down and wipe that grin off your face, Rahim, I said I needed volunteers for 'Saddam,' not 'Sodomy.'
2. "You mean, all of you have had carnal relations with my goat. I'll kill that unfaithful little tramp!"
3. "Ricky Martin wants a foot massage, a spong bath, and a 'hot lunch.' Any volunteers?"
4. "Jane Fonda wants some insurgents to pose with her next to a road-side bomb. Any volunteers?"
5. "I know you guys are new to deer hunting, so let's review a few basics. Number 1, deer don't fly."
6. "Allah, be praised! 'Chess King' is having a clearance sale, so now we can buy fresh 'uniforms' for our insurgent group."
7. "All right... let me repeat this slowly... you... can't... make... it... rain... by... shooting... at ... clouds."
8. "All right freedom fighters! Let's go out there and kill some infidels for Mother Sheehan!"
9. "Okay, that's done. Who wants to keep the head?"
10. "With the new Constitution in place, our band of ruthless, savage idiots will have to disband. On the plus side, we've all been offered jobs with Microsoft Tech Support."
11. "Now, pay attention," said the suicide bomb instructor, "Because I'm only going to show you guys how to do this once."