Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Oh, No

1. As her tortured rendition of "I Touch Myself" went on and on, the air became thick with the smell of every man in the audience turning gay.

2. Just when you thought it could not possibly get any worse, Yoko commences her "Armpit Solo."

3. Say what you will, I think Kim Jong-Il looks fabulous in his studded yellow jacket.

4. (ORA!)"Day Eez No excaping us, Ohgazmo. Pee-pare ah mee so doom!"

5. "... and a big shout out to Courtney Love, Cindy Sheehan, and anyone else who, like me, pimped the corpse of a loved one for fame and fortune. Come on, ladies, don't leave me hangin'"

6. "Yo, Kobe! Over here, I'm open!"

7. "Stay Away from my boobs, Brigitte Neilson, or feel the Wrath of the Raised Fist of the Yellow Scorpion!"

8. "I... Am...KIROK!!!!"

9. Rejected Mortal Kombat Characters: Succubus Yellowjacket.

10. Yoko plots to seduce Brett Favre and break up the Green Bay Packers.

Blatantly Stolen From: Sondra K


Tess Turbo said...

They unsuccessfully tried to flush out David Kouresh with loud classical music, but if you ever want to flush ME out, I'll come out screaming within five minutes if you play anything by Yoko Ono...or that relentless Disney song "It's a Small World After All," waving the nearest dude's white boxer shorts on a stick!

Kevin Walker said...

So that's what the Hell Slick Willie and the gang was watching.

SOTG said...

Unfortunately for her, like all other vampires who ignored the lore, Yoko was destroyed by the rising of the new day's sun.

SOTG said...

"Who odah da numba seven? Invisible remon chicken? Come on guys, dis gettin' heavy!"

SOTG said...

"Get it?... 'To get to the other side!' AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA! I so funny! AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Van Helsing said...

The yellow jacket worked just as her agent had promised — the thrown eggs didn't show up at all. But Yoko was still getting angry enough to claw someone's face off.

Jonathan said...

William Hung...the later years!

Jonathan said...

Anyone remember the androgenous character Pat from Saturday Night Live?

Anonymous said...

She was a dipsh*t 30 years ago and she's still a dipsh*t now. John-what the hell were you smoking?

Submariner said...

The "most effective anti-drug campaign campaign ever:

45 second montage of pictures of the ba-zillion 60's babes throwing themselves at John, captioned "Choices before LSD"
Last picture - full length shot of Yoko captioned "Choice made AFTER LSD..."
Fade to black scree with stark white lettering "You decide." Voice over - "Actual results: the anti-drug."

foreign devil said...

I'm a little teapot
Short and stout
Here is my handle
Here is my spout!