Sunday, August 21, 2005

More Inoffensive Wholesomeness



1. "Yes, son, it is a lovely flower bed. I'm sure it will win first prize. (Sigh) Well, I guess I'll go watch the other boys your age practice football. If you hear someone locked in the bathroom, weeping with shame, that will be me."

2. "That should about do it. I'll bet those f**king Jehovah's witnneses will think twice before knocking on this door again, huh, dad?

3. "Water? I didn't use any water. By the way, you're out of vodka."

4. "Hey, dad, remember when I told you I wanted to plant a flower garden and you muttered something about there already being 'too many pansies around this house?' Well, I took your advice and went with petunias."

5. "...and the parts that wouldn't fit in the disposal I buried in this shallow grave. So what did you do today, dad?"

6. "They are,beautiful son. Too bad they're going to get ripped to shreds when I back out the Avalon. Next time, don't plant them four feet in front of the garage, you knuckledhead."

7. "It's not every kid would plant an elaborate memrorial garden and shrine to Peter Jennings. I think I understand now why you don't have any friends."

8. "No, this is a brand new watering head. Mom's old one was stuck on 'Hard Pulsate' for some reason."

9. "Refined and purified, I think we're looking at a street value well in excess of $14K here."

10. "Tell you what, Dad. You lay off about my flower garden in front of the garage, and I'll keep quiet about the meth lab in the garage."

-Source-

22 comments:

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Cybrludite said...

When Spammers Attack, next on Fox!

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Gavriel said...

I don't really have anything cool to say, other than that I love checking out your comedy act every day. I just wanted to see if I could pass your new word picture test. Let's see how we do...

[This innocuous comment brought to you by the makers of Viagra.]

SOTG said...

No caption, but a comment on #1 caption: I absolutely pictured Hank Hill and Bobby Hill from "King og the Hill" cartoon. Nice!

Anonymous said...

You'd think I'd know bt now not to drink and read captions at the same time. #8 had me spewing my drink on my screen. Thanks as always. (same to Sondra for the ballroom pic :-)
-walstib

Van Helsing said...

That's the ticket, son. This herbicide should do the job nicely. Guess your mom will think twice the next time she's tempted to throw away a man's lifetime collection of Chix with Dix magazine.

V the K said...

Ha! Shows what you know. It's apelled ChiXXX with DiXXX.

Or, so I hear...

Van Helsing said...

My mistake. I would have checked a cover, but my wife threw out my whole stash.