Sunday, August 21, 2005
More Inoffensive Wholesomeness
1. "Yes, son, it is a lovely flower bed. I'm sure it will win first prize. (Sigh) Well, I guess I'll go watch the other boys your age practice football. If you hear someone locked in the bathroom, weeping with shame, that will be me."
2. "That should about do it. I'll bet those f**king Jehovah's witnneses will think twice before knocking on this door again, huh, dad?
3. "Water? I didn't use any water. By the way, you're out of vodka."
4. "Hey, dad, remember when I told you I wanted to plant a flower garden and you muttered something about there already being 'too many pansies around this house?' Well, I took your advice and went with petunias."
5. "...and the parts that wouldn't fit in the disposal I buried in this shallow grave. So what did you do today, dad?"
6. "They are,beautiful son. Too bad they're going to get ripped to shreds when I back out the Avalon. Next time, don't plant them four feet in front of the garage, you knuckledhead."
7. "It's not every kid would plant an elaborate memrorial garden and shrine to Peter Jennings. I think I understand now why you don't have any friends."
8. "No, this is a brand new watering head. Mom's old one was stuck on 'Hard Pulsate' for some reason."
9. "Refined and purified, I think we're looking at a street value well in excess of $14K here."
10. "Tell you what, Dad. You lay off about my flower garden in front of the garage, and I'll keep quiet about the meth lab in the garage."