Thursday, August 04, 2005
Gosh Darn It...
News Item: Air America Embezzles Money from Children's Charities.
1. "Sorry, Al. My fetishes are limited to leather, hoods, battery cables, boots, handcuffs, dog leashes, horses, waterboarding, watersports, Koran flushing, air conditioning extremes, mutual shaving, cage play, cigarette burns, and beagles. Diapers and bunny drag doesn't do a thing for me. --- A. Sullivan."
2. Interns at Air America are expected to understand and accommodate Al Franken's 'special needs.'
3. Taco Bell's choice of spokesman was only one of many factors in the failed, 'Eat All the Bean Burritos You Possibly Can and Win a Free Teddy Bear' campaign.
4. "It's ridiculous, childish, and it delights in wallowing in its own foul-smelling excrement... but enough about the Democrats' Agenda, let's talk about Al Franken."
5. An Air America spokesman tried to put the best possible spin on the scandal. "Well, the money wasn't so much stolen from a group of pathetic whining children as it was transferred to a different group of pathetic whining children."
6. "I screamed at him, 'Dammit, Al! I told you a thousand times, don't look at the camera! Who do you think you are, Jimmy Fallon? If you can't stay straight and sober long enough to do a simple diaper p0rn sketch, you should quit now and, I don't know, host some idiot radio show or something.'" --- Lorne Micheals, Memoirs.
7. "Repaid an idiot. Toid in a diaper." The Air America Embezzlement scandal, condensed to a palindrome.
8. At the Air America Easter Party, Al Franken invites interns to 'find the hidden eggs in my basket," and finds no takers.
9. The last time AL Franken was tripping, he became convinced Teddy was real and wet his pants. This time, he's taking no foolish chances.
10. "On second thought, is there anything in the diaper? --- A Sullivan."