Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Compare and Contrast

Then: The Clinton Team Deals With Terrorism

1. Reactions to Monica Lewinsky's strip-tease rendition of "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" were mixed at best.

2. Clinton's hand signals translated: Right -- No oral tonight, Monica. Left -- But I'm good for an internal prostate thumb massage.

3. "Yeah, I know, Jules sure does use the F-word a lot when he's offing somebody... oh, wait, this isn't Pulp Fiction, this is the video of Hillary capping Vince Foster."

4. "Jeez, Bill. I understand taping your wedding day with Hillary, but did you have to tape your wedding night too?"

5. It was bad that Bill liked to show his staff his homemade p0rn. It was worse that Hillary's favorite position was chili dog.

6. When Celine Dion sang at the White House, Bill Cohen covered his ears to shut out the shrill screeching, Madeleine Albright tried to claw her own eyes out, Bill just made Indian war whoops and sexually suggestive thumb gestures and Sandy Berger stuffed complimentary dinner mints into his shirt pockets.

7. Bill had to pretend to enjoy Hillary's poetry readings, but Madeleine Albright just went to her 'happy place'... sharing a hammock in the palace gardens with Kim Jong-Il.

8. Even after 49 times, it was still hilarious to send Al Gore on a snipe hunt and watch him in the White House Situation Room using NSA satellite tracking. Meanwhile, Osama gathered his forces.

9. No, seriously, Vince Foster did commit suicide. And after seeing this photo, I think we can understand why.

Now: The Bush Team Deals With Terrorism

1. "Hey, check out the hicks putting it to Ned Beatty Over There."

2. "Damn it, Rummy, would you please stop referring to my Secretary of State as 'Tits McGee.'"

3. "Hey, if 'Tits McGee' was good enough for Colin, it's good enough for Condi."

4. "For the last time, Rummy. You're Murdock, I'm Face, Condi is Hannibal, and Cheney is B.A. Baracus! Okay, let's get in the van."

5. Bush and Cheney thought the best course would be to ignore the moonbats gathered at the gates of the ranch, Condi thought Bush should meet with them, and Rumsfeld simply muttered "Napalm... lots and lots of napalm" under his breath.

6. "Where's Karl?" "He's back at the lab, modifying the mind control deception beam to penetrate aluminum foil. The moonbats will now need to quintuple layer to protect their brains. By the way, this would be a good time to buy ALCOA stock."

Blatantly Stolen From: The Jawa Report


Van Helsing said...

Although most considered the catfight between Monica and Hillary less appealing than the Brigitte Neilson vs. Anna Nicole Smith match, Sandy Burglar seemed to enjoy it.

Kevin Walker said...

Here's something for both pics:
What the HELL is that guy in the hood doing to that poor beagle? And why is the other one holding a video camcorder.

SOTG said...

Picture #1: A gift from an admiring reporter, the "Helen Thomas Erotic Workout" DVD is not received well.

Picture #2: "So get this guys... If Goofy's a dog, what the hell is Pluto?"

bubbalove said...

Hear No Military Advice
Speak No Truth
See No North Korean Torture
Psst..China..wanna buy some Top Secret info?

Chuckling to themselves, the Fantastic Four walk back to the ranch after kicking the crap out of the evil Dr. Sheehan and her minions.

Cybrludite said...

Am I the only one who thinks that that second pic looks like the logo for A Band Apart Productions?