Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Chavez, You Two-Timing Slut!

1. So, what's with the velvet painting of Michael Jackson, Jesse wondered.

2. Jesse Jackson's suspicions were mounting. If this was really Hugo Chavez, why was was he talking about Star Trek and shilling for Priceline?

3. "Yeah, I took a couple of stripes off the Rainbow Coalition sash because people were starting to think I was a fag. I've got a half-dozen bastard kids, you know."

4. I'd bet fifty bucks that ain't the only fluid from Juan Valdez he's consumed, Jesse thought to himself.

5. "Disco Jesse would like to get messy..."

6. As a teenage waiter in an all-white club, Jesse used to amuse himself by spiking the coffee of guests with his own bodily fluids. Hugo was about to find out that some things never changed.

7. Bored beyond belief by Castro's droning speech, Jesse never noticed the parasitic alien starfish that had attached itself to his chest. Hugo just wondered what that weird taste in his coffee was.

8. "Fidel always made me breakfast," Hugo fumed to himself. "This creep just buys coffee then listens to his Walkman. Cheap bastard. What about my needs."

9. Hugo racked his brain, "Jesse, Michael, LaToya, Sheila Jackson Lee... are there any non-crazy Jackson's. O.K., maybe Samuel L., but the verdict's still out."

10. "You should like this coffee, Mr. Jackson. The beans were picked in the fields of my own plan... um... tation." Suddenly, there was an awkward silence.

Hat Tip: A.M. Mora y Leon

Real Caption

4 comments:

Miguel said...

I am glad I brought my iPod, that way I dont have to listen to this nut

SOTG said...

No one noticed the moving eyes of the painting behind them.

"That's right, Hugo," whispered Pat Robertson under his breath, "drink your little cup of tainted death juice, you dictatorial prick. One last prayer for you before you die... Please Lord, make it HURT..."

SOTG said...

After the Paula Abdul fiasco, "American Idol" was forced to go with a different set of judges.

Van Helsing said...

Jackson agrees not to declare that gasoline is racist in exchange for a cut of oil revenues and the honorary title Viceroy of South Caracas.