Armstrong, 33, called Bush “one competitive dude,” but said in the ABC interview he had no doubt he could outpace Bush, even though trails can be challenging for road cyclists unaccustomed to rough, rocky terrain.
1. "Thanks for coming, Lance. Cheney and Rove aren't into cycling. They prefer using dirt bikes to chase rabbits until their hearts explode."
2. "From the sound of that explosion, I'd say one of Sheehan's Moonbats just found one of my Claymores."
3. "Mr. President, it's much more enjoyable riding with you than John Kerry. He kept falling over, blaming me for it, and calling me a 'sonofabitch.'"
4. "You think this is cool. Wait until the press is gone and Karl Rove levitates us."
5. "What a dupe. E.T. really thinks we're taking him home. How much farther to the Government Testing Lab."
6. "Lance, would you tell your hippie girlfriend to stop trying to smoke my marigolds?"
7. Mountain Biking with Lance was okay, but what Bush really looked forward to was next weekend's house destruction party with Slipknot.
8. "Seeing as we've both in our own way humiliated the French, Lance, I think you're really gonna like the flag arrangement at our next 'Pit Stop.'"
9. "Aw, crap, it looks like I grabbed Jenna's iPod by mistake. Damn, that girl sure does like Mexican drinking songs."
10. "Don't worry about rattlesnakes, I had my ranch hands round them up and put them, um, in a ditch adjacent to the property."
Blatantly Stolen From: Sondra K