Thursday, August 11, 2005
Back to School Shopping, How Nice
1. The last words Timmy ever heard were "PREPARE FOR RAMMING SPEED!"
2. "Jenny, since the nice store security guards would never do a body cavity search on a little girl, daddy has a special job for you."
3. "No, the security guard was not giving daddy 'a funny look.' But on an unrelated subject, kids, if you here 'Code 4' on the PA system, run for the nearest exit and pretend you don't know me."
5. "I can't believe they did a Muzak version of 'Rape Me.' Kurt Cobain must be turning over in his grave."
6. "As a matter of fact, Daddy has done some things he's not proud of. Three to be exact."
7. "Cinder blocks? Heavy rubber gloves? Fast-acting sedatives? Dad, this shopping trip wouldn't have anything to do with mom and the cable guy, would it?"
8. "Oh, and Daddy needs about 80 packs of Sudafed for that, uum, science project in the garage."
9. "For the last time, Jenny, there's no such thing as a Ron Jeremy Trapper Keeper."
10. "Oh, and pick up some manilla envelopes for incriminating pictures. I mean, extra credit projects."
Real Caption: Never mind, Yahoo News deleted it.