Sunday, July 10, 2005

Un Rectume Dit 'Quoi'

1. "Jacques, to make such a face at a 'Surviviors of Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Support Group Meeting' is very insensitive."

2. Pssst, Bono. When Frenchmen start holding their breath around you, it's time to shower.

3. "Jacques, Spit out that hamster this instant!"

4. "We've boarded up the fireplace. There will be no escape. Begin the exorcism."

5. "I'm guessing from his expression that the Benzedrine Express has just left the station."

6. "Oh, and ze pinstripes, zey clash with ze mullet. I am just saying..."

7. A Celebrity Panel on France's #1 Game Show tries to guess, "Who Did Chirac Just Blow?"

8. Undergoing intensive Scientology "processing," Chirac prepares to confront the invisible "Thetans" that have been tormenting him ... he also looks like he's about to blow chunks.

9. "Ach, I knew ye couldn't hold down yer scotch, ye great cheese-eatin' poodle-humper."

10. Strange But True: Jacques Chirac not only has seen Animal House 167 times, but he also feels compelled to re-enact John Belushi's "zit" impression to honored guests and claim the idea as his own.

Hat Tip: Kabasue

More in this vein at: Moonbattery


Dan said...

Bono: I found SOMEBODY'S copy of "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" in the trash can. Now, who could that be?

bubbalove said...

So Chirac, what do you think about a menage-a-trois with two of us in exchange for some of that sweet oil-for-food money that we will then "snicker" send to Africa?

Kevin Walker said...

We secretly replaced Chirac's cream cheese with Peperation H. Let's see if he notices.

AM42 said...

My stab at this over at Discarded Lies...

Sony Pictures has announced plans to film a new, yet untitled, Three Stooges movie next summer. Insider reports are that the cast will include Bob Geldof as Larry Fine, Jacques Chirac as Curly Howard, and Bono as Moe Howard

Van Helsing said...

Looks like three of them are waiting for the polite "excusez moi" they are owed for the recycled limburger stench wafting upwards from the seat of Chirac's chair.

Van Helsing

AM42 said...

After several minutes of heated debate, they decided that Chirac both sucks AND blows.

Submariner said...

C'mon, Jacques.

It's been 45 minutes fer Pete's sake! Either spit or swallow...

Robert said...

Chirac: Oh oh!!! I zink I jeez crapped my pans.