Friday, July 22, 2005
1. "You're gonna regret getting into a bitch-slap-fight with me, old woman!"
2. "Kirk!" SLAP! "Picard!" SLAP! "Kirk!" SLAP! "Picard!" SLAP!"Kirk!" SLAP! "Picard!" SLAP! (Rest in Peace, Scotty.)
3. "Look, a giant shrunken apple head in a pants suit... oh, it's you, mom."
4. SLAP! "That's for touching yourself."
5. "Dan Rather reporting. CBS News has uncovered photographic evidence of President George W. Bush apparently slapping around an old woman before pushing her into the path of a limousine some allege to be driven by Karl Rove."
6. SLAP! "That's for appointing John Roberts to the Supreme Court. You should have picked Matlock... MATLOCK!"
7. "Mrs Doubtfire... No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"
8. "Hold on, ma, let me tighten the bolts on your neck."
9. "Give to me your leather/ take from me/ my lace..."
10. "I'm so glad Batman rescued you mom. Hey, what's Bruce Wayne's empty limo doing here? Darn, he always disappears and misses out on these incredible rescues."
11. "Of course I use a limo, George. Look at my ass! You think it's gonna squeeze itself into a Hyundai?"
12. "Success!" cackled the Evil Dr. Rove as his 'Bitch-Slap-Girly-Fight' Weapon worked on the unlikeliest of guinea pigs.
13. The Secret Service detail's shouts of "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!" only made the situation worse.
14. "He'd go upside your head for sassy backtalk, that's what Jesus would do!"
15. "Two Bushes enter! One Bush Leaves! Two Bushes enter! One Bush Leaves!"