Senator Edward "Jabba the Hutt" Kennedy
Update : You were all aware, of course, that Senator Kennedy's dog is named 'Splash."
I guess naming it, "Remember That Time I Drowned a Young Campaign Worker" would have been too obvious.
1. "Jeez, I'm really far too blitzed to be giving anybody a ride home. Oh, what the Hell."
2. "Damn Smart Ass kids, always yelling "Hey, Kool-Aid!" whenever I appear."
3. "Oooh look, I'm Ted Kennedy. I have man boobies."
4. The police wisely placed orange traffic cones around the train wreck.
5. Boy: Daddy, what's that? Father: Well son, that's Mercury, the closest planet to the sun. What it's doing down here on the wharf I haven't the foggiest, we should probably go ask a scientist.
6. "Hey, what's with the cones already? I haven't even made it to the parking lot yet!"
1. "Oh, yeah, offer to give my gut a sonogram. That's so-o-o-o-o-o original."
2. From the looks of it, the only thing Ted has never filibustered is a beer keg.
3. President Clinton's favorite and cruelest joke was to buy Senator Kennedy a lap dance... knowing full well that not even an Olympic gymnast could perform that feat.
4. "Ow! Damn, another harpoon. I hate sailing off Nantucket."
5. "Ach! Ye call that a caber toss, ye great gutless pussy? Stand back laddies, and let a real man show yew how its done!"
6. The scene of the crucified Christ being taunted by a morbidly obese Roman soldier was too disturbing even for Mel Gibson.