Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The Dread Justice Roberts



1. Huffington's Toast Caption: "I wanted to pick someone who had exhibited the same decisiveness, the same directness and clear-minded thinking for which Justice O’Connor is famous. Unfortunately, Jennifer Wilbanks’ only experience with the law was as a defendant."

2. "... and, I'd like to thank Mr. Roberts wife, who apparently came all the way from Stepford to be here."

3. "Snort... I'm sorry, I crack up every time I read SCOTUS because it makes me think of Scrotum. Like being Chief Justice of my ballsack. Heh-heh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh."

4. "Yeah man, I tell ya what. Dang ol' Supreme Court Justice, man. Senate Judiciary Committee, dang ol' party line, party line, vote, man."

5. "John, Jr! I don't care what PBS taught you, you don't chant '1-2-3-4, We don't want your f**king war!' in front of the president!"

6. "Hey! Who invited the Von Trapps to my press conference?"

7. "How much for the little girl? Your women, I wish to buy them. Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me. Sell me your children."

8. "Your boy's a good little dancer, John. We better get him into football and NASCAR before it's too late."

9. "Furthermore, Mrs. Roberts has vowed to balance a golden bowl on her head until her husband is confirmed."

10. Good boy, John. Keep the president distracted while I discreetly fan my fart away from the podium.

Real Caption.

5 comments:

Jonathan said...

"Mr. President, watch my son! He's rarin' back that right hand to punch Helen Thomas' lights out!"

Jonathan said...

"Get out ya seat and Jump Around!
Jump Around!
Jump Around!
Jump Up, Jump Up, and Get Down!"

Van Helsing said...

Jack Roberts will now perform his favorite dance. Contrary to rumors circulating at Daily Kos, Jack is not gay.

Van Helsing
Moonbattery

Anonymous said...

Maybe he's just auditioning for "So You Think You Can Dance?"

Who says a four-year old can't get krumpin' with the best of him?

Sharon said...

Drat! I meant "best of them".