Wednesday, July 20, 2005
The Dread Justice Roberts
1. Huffington's Toast Caption: "I wanted to pick someone who had exhibited the same decisiveness, the same directness and clear-minded thinking for which Justice O’Connor is famous. Unfortunately, Jennifer Wilbanks’ only experience with the law was as a defendant."
2. "... and, I'd like to thank Mr. Roberts wife, who apparently came all the way from Stepford to be here."
3. "Snort... I'm sorry, I crack up every time I read SCOTUS because it makes me think of Scrotum. Like being Chief Justice of my ballsack. Heh-heh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh."
4. "Yeah man, I tell ya what. Dang ol' Supreme Court Justice, man. Senate Judiciary Committee, dang ol' party line, party line, vote, man."
5. "John, Jr! I don't care what PBS taught you, you don't chant '1-2-3-4, We don't want your f**king war!' in front of the president!"
6. "Hey! Who invited the Von Trapps to my press conference?"
7. "How much for the little girl? Your women, I wish to buy them. Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me. Sell me your children."
8. "Your boy's a good little dancer, John. We better get him into football and NASCAR before it's too late."
9. "Furthermore, Mrs. Roberts has vowed to balance a golden bowl on her head until her husband is confirmed."
10. Good boy, John. Keep the president distracted while I discreetly fan my fart away from the podium.