Thursday, July 28, 2005
Doing Horrible Things to a Wholesome Disney Movie
1. "Yes, son, it's the most powerful sexual aid ever created by man. Now, if we only had a loud plaid jacket to power it."
2. "I don't know what it is either, son, but the tag says 'Property of A. Sullivan, Provincetown.'"
3. "That just means my android is happy to see you, son."
4. "Don't be nervous, this is just a straight up partner swap. I'm sure Mr. Martin won't be using that on you."
5. "I don't get involved in global geo-politics, son. All I know is, the mullah wanted a nuclear centrifuge and he was willing to pay in cash."
6. "Dad, look at my clothes. Everybody knows I'm a dork. I really don't need a nuclear-powered asthma inhaler to drive the point home."
7. "Take this to the top of the Bell Tower, and rain laser-flavored death on those jocks that have been making fun of you. That'll show them!" "Um, dad, that's a milkshake blender."
8. "Wow, dad. You really used to hang out with Richard Gere?"
9. "Dad, you really freaked out of Bob Barker by knowing the exact retail price of this item. Nobody else even knew what it was."
10. "Damn right this is the best meth lab in the whole subdivision, son! And we built it together!"