Saturday, July 30, 2005
Another Wholesome Slice of Americana Turned Horribly Awry
1. "Okay, she is delicious, but I question your choice of Fava beans and a nice Chianti as accompaniment."
2. "Did that sound like twenty tons of scaffolding breaking loose and falling to the Earth to crush everything in its path to you?" "No, shut up and eat your wings."
3. "I know Lewis and Clark Festival Days were supposed to be authentic, but a buffalo tripe eating contest?"
4. "I was skeptical, too, but PETA actually throws a pretty good barbecue. What are soylent chicken wings made out of, anyway?"
5. "Okay, let me explain again. Billy and Tyler were our enemies. By eating their flesh, we gain their strength. What's so hard to understand?"
6. "Wow, what a coincidence. I also want to be a left-wing documentary film-maker when I grow up."
7. "You know, of course, that Al Gore invented buffalo wings."
8. "Okay, Billy, you might win the 'Binge' portion of America's Next Supermodel, but I will own your ass on the 'Purge' segment."
9. "Yes, it is cool to be eating chicken wings at three in the morning, but aren't you worried that Mr. Jackson might expect something in return?"
10. "Well, they had to make some cutbacks to the school lunch program to pay for higher teacher's salaries. I, for one, enjoy eating out of a common trough."