Wednesday, June 08, 2005

They Got Their Eye On You

"Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" cast members Kyan Douglas (left), Carson Kressley and Thorn Filicia throw out the first pitch Sunday. (Winslow Townson/AP)

1. "They throw like girls," huffed Jason Varitek. "Why does that turn me on?"

2. "Don't get excited, Carson, they're just wearing cups."

3. "Did you really have to ask the bat boy if he had ever seen a grown man naked?"

4. Who's on first, What's on Second, and a freakish effeminate sodomite in a pink jersey is on third.

5. "There's no such thing as a seventh-inning grope, but, don't you wish there were?"

6. No wonder they can't pitch. Until now, they thought "Eight Men Out" was a documentary about the Village People.

7. "Mmmm, the last time I had a 'double-header' I couldn't sit down for a week."

8. "This reminds me of little league ... except that I used to curl up in a fetal position and wet my pants whenever someone threw a ball at me."

9. "Carson, please stop singing "Put me in coach/ I'm ready to play." We can't deal with that disturbing imagery right now."

10. "So, when do we get to meet Darth Vader?"


Anonymous said...

we are Devo

Van Helsing said...

Thanks, but it's going to take more than this to cheer up a Yankee fan.