1. "Those are lovely, ma'am, but you still have to pay for the Pepsi."
2. "Self-esteem? What's that?"
3. "Man, that's a wicked-ugly goiter."
4. "Wow! Getting one-pastie to spin clockwise and the other counter-clockwise takes real talent."
5. "Okay, dad, I guess the hormone treatments and depilatories are working... but this still feels awkward."
6. "No, really, all Playboy field photographers use Kodak 'Fun-Savers.'"
7. "I wish mine were that big," thought the guy in the red T-shirt. "Oh, wait, they are."
8. Someone should tell Barb and Jenna that the election is over, and they can stop winning over the horny young male vote now.
9. One gay man in the back pointed desperately toward the deadly swarm of pteradactyls about to seal their doom, but no one else noticed.
10. "Come on, now all you guys can't be The Prime Minister of Spain."
11. The 7 Windows model meets her public.
A woman lifts her shirt for Mardi Gras beads on the infield at Churchill Downs during Kentucky Derby day festivities. (AP Photo/ Joe Imel)