Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Moose and Squirrel
1. SWM, 47, Plushie, seeks frightening woman with high-pitched voice. Must be willing to wear flight goggles.
2. Scene from Ed Wood's unfinished masterpiece, "Bride of the Atomic Moose," starring Tor Johnson and Vampira.
3. "And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I.... will always, love You-ou-ou-ou-ou."
4. "Bullwinkle... what are you doing?" "Taking out the trash, Rocky. Taking. Out. The. Trash."
5. Finally having secured a moose costume, a giggly retarded man, and an aging whore, Lyle finally completes the sexual trifecta he'd been pursuing since he was 18.
6. Tim Burton directs his first Maxi-Pads commercial.
7. "Wrong Costume Idiot. You have totally ruined my Catherine the Great fantasy!"
8. Unfortunately, once you've had moose, you'll always be loose.
9. "Into the mud, Scum Queen!!"
10. "Okay, so crossing moose and velociraptor DNA wasn't a great idea. My bad."
Vote Fraud Queen Christine Yanukovych Gregoire is carried by a man in a moose costume believed to be one of the undead zombie voters who turned out in massive numbers in last year's elections in Washington State. One notes that unlike the gentlemen in the boobie pic from earlier, there is no discernible bulge in the white shorts. Hat Tip: Sound Politics