Friday, May 20, 2005
"Just Take Those Old Records Off The Shelf"
1. Andrew Sullivan's thighs quivered. He hadn't been this turned on since he saw the Abu Ghraib photos. The boyfriend and the beagle were in for a rough night.
2. Tide with Bleach does a great job on keeping your whites white and washing the blood of your enemies from your sweatpants, but nothing will clean the stains of tyranny from your soul."
3. The back was signed, "To Yasser, With all my Love, Saddam 'Hyena' Hussein."
4. Calvin Klein's new campaign was determined to be the most controversial ever.
5. "Of course I still respect you, Mr. Chirac. Now, be a good submissive and clean out my skidmarks with your tongue."
6. That's not Saddam Hussein. It's Burt Reynolds in a dressing room at the Gap.
7. "... let's see, poppers, amyl nitrate, butt plugs... I am ready for another night at the bath-house" While in prison, Saddam wrote and performed a one-man show on the life of Roy Cohn.
8. By the end of the week, the photos had already been mated to the lyrics of "I Will Survive" and made into a popular Flash presentation on JibJab.
9. Deprived of other amusements, Saddam passed his time with endless games of Strip Solitaire.
10. "So, let me get this straight. We have to use rubber gloves to handle the Koran, but you expect us to handle 'The Mother of All Skidmarks' with our bare hands."
11. To ease his loneliness, Saddam formed the crotch of his trousers into the face of Nancy Pelosi.
12. "Well, damn, here's my pants. What the Hell was I drinking last night? Why am I waking up in a sauna?"
13. Saddam also passed his time by stripping to his underwear and acting out Pee-Wee's Playhouse. Of course, in his version, Chairy got raped and pistol-whipped.
14. "Saddam, put your pants back on. No one wants to see 'the little insurgent.' "
And today's obscurest pop culture reference:
15. "Moy noime is Saddam. Would you like to see my drawrings? Oh, look, I'm in me knickers."