Friday, May 20, 2005

"Just Take Those Old Records Off The Shelf"





1. Andrew Sullivan's thighs quivered. He hadn't been this turned on since he saw the Abu Ghraib photos. The boyfriend and the beagle were in for a rough night.

2. Tide with Bleach does a great job on keeping your whites white and washing the blood of your enemies from your sweatpants, but nothing will clean the stains of tyranny from your soul."

3. The back was signed, "To Yasser, With all my Love, Saddam 'Hyena' Hussein."

4. Calvin Klein's new campaign was determined to be the most controversial ever.

5. "Of course I still respect you, Mr. Chirac. Now, be a good submissive and clean out my skidmarks with your tongue."

6. That's not Saddam Hussein. It's Burt Reynolds in a dressing room at the Gap.

7. "... let's see, poppers, amyl nitrate, butt plugs... I am ready for another night at the bath-house" While in prison, Saddam wrote and performed a one-man show on the life of Roy Cohn.

8. By the end of the week, the photos had already been mated to the lyrics of "I Will Survive" and made into a popular Flash presentation on JibJab.

9. Deprived of other amusements, Saddam passed his time with endless games of Strip Solitaire.

10. "So, let me get this straight. We have to use rubber gloves to handle the Koran, but you expect us to handle 'The Mother of All Skidmarks' with our bare hands."

Update

11. To ease his loneliness, Saddam formed the crotch of his trousers into the face of Nancy Pelosi.

12. "Well, damn, here's my pants. What the Hell was I drinking last night? Why am I waking up in a sauna?"

13. Saddam also passed his time by stripping to his underwear and acting out Pee-Wee's Playhouse. Of course, in his version, Chairy got raped and pistol-whipped.

14. "Saddam, put your pants back on. No one wants to see 'the little insurgent.' "

And today's obscurest pop culture reference:

15. "Moy noime is Saddam. Would you like to see my drawrings? Oh, look, I'm in me knickers."

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thankfully, he's wearing old-school tightie-whites, as befitting a modest former tyrant. The thought of seeing him in Speedo-style skivvies is so gross I now need to go poke out my mind's eye...

Skizz said...

Augh! Andrew Sullivan must be using that as jerkoff material! *barfs*

lawhawk said...

Just let me at 'em with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. I'm gonna get medieval on his ass.

Wait. Then again, that might get him a little to excited. He might just enjoy that kind of treatment.

Nevermind...

sonicfrog said...

Saddam was heard singing under his breath:

"I'm
Too sexy for my shirt
Too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts!"

Molicious said...

Looking at him makes me physically ill. It also remind me of a time I accidentally saw my grandfather in his underwear. Very disturbing.

chaudes said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
chaudes said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Skizz said...

UGH! SPAMMMMM!!!!!

Anyways, V the K.. I posted this on my site. Hope ya don't mind, dude.

Saddam "I Wish to Negotiate" Hussein said...

Your captions are mildly amusing. Perhaps after I am awarded the United States in an out of court settlement for wrongful invasion, we can meet and discuss them further as I pull your toenails out one by one.

Oh, and please be sure to wash your feet first.

V the K said...

Skizz Post away. Spread the joy (or the pain in the case of humorless LLL's who read these.)

Kevin Walker said...

The Abu Griab scandal gets worst: this is the source of the panties.

AM42 said...

I'll take #15 for $400 Alex...

Who is 'Simon'

Kevin Walker said...

When Saddam is bored, he practices torturing himself.