1. "They launghed when I said I would combine human and poodle DNA. Who's laughing now? BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"
2. John Kerry's heart swelled. "That wild hair! The emotional instability! Billions in Beatles royalties. I must have him."
3. Kids, we know they look tasty, but do you want to end up like this man? Please don't stick your tongue in light sockets. It's not just a good idea, it's the law!
4. To preserve balance in the universe, every time Michael Jackson gives up an ethnic trait, it must be absorbed by a white man. Guess what this guy absorbed?
5. John Bolton opts for a retro-seventies Afro in hopes of winning over votes from retro-70's-liberal democrats.
6. "It ain't bouncin' and it ain't behavin' Damn you Don King and your line of hair care products. Damn you all to Hell!"
7. "Grandpa's hair scares me." -- Next Springer.
8. "I like my hair like I like my women ... loose, kinky, and out-of-control."
9. "Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing glue."
10. 2035 A.D.: Carrot-Top ends his career by being voted "Most Annoying Bingo Caller" in an L.A. senior citizens center.
Music producer Phil Spector is shown in Superior Court judge Monday, May 23, 2005, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo)