Friday, April 22, 2005

Low Standards of Spongeworthiness

Hat Tip: Rodger

1. Paris Hilton prepares to meet the USS Carl Vinson.

2. The Middle School library just hasn't been the same since Planned Parenthood took over the curriculum.

3. "My God, look at me. I look like I was passed around at a Satanic sex cult all night. (sigh) The mirror never lies..."

4. Tonight on Quantum Leap: Sam Beckett leaps into the body of Taylor Hanson. "Oh, boy."

5. Checking the pantry at the Neverland Ranch, Conchita notes that they're out of Juicy Juice.

6. "Goddess, I love these Democratic Underground meet-ups. I wonder which one of these will fit a German Shepherd."

7. "When you've been with a Kennedee/And it burns when you pee/Gonorrhea! Gonorrhea!"

8. "Condoms, condoms, dental dams, amyl nitrate... where's the scrotal inflation kit?"

9. "Hey, Mack Daddy? Amber, here. Listen, I got a John here who keeps asking if I know who he is and jabbering on about being a Vietnam war hero. Anyway, he's into some weird sh*t... wants to call me 'TuhRayZuh' and penetrate me with a ketchup bottle. How much extra do I charge him?"

10. Jessie May was really looking forward to the family reunion in Arkansas.


AM42 said...

BTW, I've got a buddy on the Carl Vinson. He just sent me some photos from Bahrain... they'd be great for captioning, but he's too good a friend to subject him to that : )

AM42 said...

However... this photo (from the USS Carl Vinson online photo gallery) is just begging for a caption or two.

Tom said...

"penetrate me with a ketchup bottle"


V the K said...

tom --- Would "penetrate him with a ketchup bottle" have been funnier?"

Anonymous said...

Re. #2, it's too close to true to be funny.

Sideshow said...

"Variety is the spice of life."