1. "Is that a lump?"
2. "First the little shit recites the Anarchist Pledge and now she's giving an impassioned speech on "Free Mumia"... this is not going to help me in the red states."
3. "Why are they all chanting 'Wiener Dog?'"
4. "Yes, senator, I have a trust fund... why do you ask?"
5. "Come on, Mr. Kerry, say the pledge... don't make me smash your other foot with a sledgehammer."
6. "Poor thing... she's totally unaware that after the ceremony her virgin blood will be made an offering unto the great Cthulu."
7. "Uh, Senator... the pledge ended fifteen minutes ago. Senator? Senator! Oh, my God, are you squeezing yourself?"
8. "Oh dear God! The botox has made my nipples go numb! I can't feel the clamps at all!"
9. "Poor thing... he's totally unaware that after the ceremony his dessicated corpse will be offered to 'She Who Walks Behind the Corn.'"
10. "... one nation... under me!..."
U.S. Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., stands on the stage at Faneuil Hall in Boston, Sunday, April 10, 2005, during a flag ceremony with Victoria Strojwas, with Girl Scouts Troop 9357 of Dorchester, foreground, in an annual online student essay contest awards event, sponsored by the League of Women Voters of Massachusetts. Kerry was the keynote speaker of the event. In related news, Kerry confessed that democrat voters were idiots who were easily duped into not voting. "Leaflets are handed out saying Democrats vote on Wednesday, Republicans vote on Tuesday." he said.
(AP Photo/Chitose Suzuki)