Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Nutty Professor

America-hating left-wing icon and faux-American Indian Ward Churchill speaks in San Francisco.

1. "It says, 'Check out the aging hippie liberal commie douchebag at the podium. Who does he think he's fooling with his phony American Indian act.'"

2. "It's a note from June. She says the Beaver's been acting like a 'little Eichmann' all day, and I'll have to beat his ass when I get home.'"

3. "Oh... oh... own... f-f-fish... Twuh... twuh... twoh fish... red (easy word) fish.. bluh... bluh... blooey fish."

4. "As proof that the Eichmann-Capitalist War Nexus is trying to bribe me into silence, I present this offer for 1,046 free hours of AOL... "

5. "It says, 'You idiot, the microphone is on your left. You've been talking into a leftover visual aid from the 'Womyn's Self-Satisfaction Seminar' all night, and all we can hear is bzzzzzzt.... bzzzzzzt.... bzzzzzzzt."

6. "It says, 'Get your other hand above the podium right now or prepare to be busted, Chief 'Fondles-with-Boner.'"

7. He could tell the note was from Cynthia McKinney from the way 'fellatio' was spelled with three l's.

8. "It's a coupon for a free scrotal inflation."

9. Ward never realized he would be stuck with the catering bill. "How can 150 people consume 14,000 bags of Dorito's?" he wondered.

10. "Excuse me, it seems someone has dropped their prescription for lithium, valium, zyprexa, Prozac, and adderall. Does anyone here have a prescription for lithium, valium, zyprexa, Prozac, and adderall?" Every hand in the auditorium went up.

Hat tip: Zomby. (Warning: Horrible Ickiness)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

And the winner is.