Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao gestures as he speaks at a press conference after the closing session of China's National Peoples' Congress in Beijing Monday March 14, 2005.(AP Photo/Ng Han Guan)
1. Tran recalls the only bit of description his mother was able to provide of the African-American soldier who fathered him in the early days of the Vietnam conflict.
2. The dissident's protests in favor of "one man, one vote" are stifled when the Premier pins him beneath his buttocks and farts contentedly on his face.
3. After the Premier's moving rendition of "One Is The Loneliest Number," the audience was so moved they completely forgot that the entire Falun Gong movement had been ground into soylent green.
4. "Mr. Bush, please stop shouting 'in bed' every time I pause between sentences."
5. "It is our destiny as a party and as a people, to pull on the fingers of history and unleash the winds of change."
6. "OK, now smell my finger and see if you can guess where it has been."
7. "Ah, on the one hand, it is a shampoo, but on the other, it is also a conditioner. Can you grasp this paradox, Young Grasshopper."
8. "But I ask, which is more horrible, China's philosophy of 'One Child Per Family' or America's philosophy of 'One Parent per Family.'
9. "Wait, Vice President Cheney. Do Not Leave! Not until I have drawn you. You are why Cavemen painted on walls!"
10. "And then, the old man said to me, 'Dong, Where Is My Automobile?'"