Monday, February 28, 2005

People Who Need People

I don't watch the Oscars. I don't give a rat's ass about the Oscars. You wanna know the truth? I was watching a TiVo'd Battlestar Galactica rerun. Then I watched something on the Hitler Channel. You know, the channel with the little 'H' in the right-hand corner. That's how you know it's the Hitler Channel.

Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand (news) make the Oscar presentation for best motion picture of the year during the 77th Academy Awards (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

1. "Hey, Barb, you ever thought of running for the senate?"

2. "Well, maybe there is somebody who doesn't like Sara Lee, but it apparently isn't you!"

3. "Richard Gere's gonna be really pissed when he sees you in his new Donna Karan original."

4. In the unlikely event of an wardrobe malfunction... you will never get an erection again.

5. Barbra Streisand accepts her honorary Oscar for 'Bloated Spoiled Bitch We Most Wish Would Shut the Hell up!'"

6. "Oprah has a message for you. 'Leave some canapes for the rest of us.'"

7. "I hope that gown is flame-retardant. Michael Moore's backstage with a jug of Everclear, an American flag and a Bic lighter."

8. "Thanks for the offer Barbra, but I'll just stay at the hotel. At your house, I'd just be awake all night listening to you scream at Brolin about how you can dress him up but you can't take him anyplace."

9. "Pull my finger or the Oscar goes to Marisa Tomei."

10. "Michael Moore! Hey, Love the new look... Oh, it's you, Barbra."


11. "Check out what Paris Hilton is wearing. I didn't even know they made crotchless evening gowns."


Mike R. said...

"Hey Babs, why don't we blow this joint and go over to my place and watch 'Little Big Man'. I just got it in the mail from Netflix."

V... great, great site man. I nearly died reading the 19th Amendment captions. I found you from Konservative Jay's comments. Totally classic blog. Great stuff.

Sharon said...

What was the story with that?

I mean, did they decide to do the Oscar version of a mercy killing and allow the two most irrelevant people in Hollywood give away the night's most important award?

And then vain old Barbara doesn't wear her glasses yet insists on reading the "and the Oscar goes to..." card, which she then giggles about how she can't read it. Nothing worse than a washed-up, has-been talent of indeterminate years pretending to be "A Girl"!

Molicious said...

Barb sucked last night. Hoffman also sounded like he was a bit drunk. COurse I would have to be drunk too if I were up there with that liberal skank.

V the K said...

Thank God you guys are back! When the only one who showed up for Condi was a troll, I began to get worried. ;-)

Konservative Jay said...

"Thank God I forgot my glasses..."

Rightwingsparkle said...

well I may not have been commenting, but I have been regularly stealing (with credit OF COURSE)

You're hillarious.

jeff said...

I'm not sure, but I think that they were acting as their characters in the movie "Meet the Fockers," the sequel to "Meet the Parents."

Either that or they had some really good drugs back in the green room for the presenters (which might explain Adam Sandler and Chris Rock's little skit).