Saturday, February 05, 2005

Oh no, Not Again

I know nobody else likes the little slice o' life pics with geezers and little kids, but I've got a soft spot for 'em. Hey, it's a free blog and you get what you pay for.

1. Billy has a cottage business following Senator Kennedy around and collecting his empties. Last year, he made over $130,000.

2. "No time for the old in-out, love, I've just come to read the meter."

3. "Hey, Billy, bitchin' new ride. How come I never get invited to the Neverland Ranch?"

4. "Oh, I hope I'm not late for my meeting of the George Will fan club."

5. "Watch out, Aslan! The White Witch has a shiv!"

6. As yet another horrific snowman tableau took shape, Billy was horrified, sickened, but unable to turn away. "That Calvin is one psychotic bastard," he thought.

7. Billy was nervous as he prepared to confront the bullies, but the words of McGruff the Crime Dog stuck in his ear. "Just say to them, 'I've got five dollars for each of you,' then put a .38 slug in every one of their sorry bitch asses.'"

8. Heavy medication kept Billy's ADHD under control. Unfortunately, no one anticipated the side-effects. Here's a picture of Billy twelve years later.

9. Billy knew that every morning at exactly 9:15 a.m., 17-year-old Monica Peterson would stand in front of her bedroom window stark naked.

10. Billy would attack from the front, then when their quarry was down, Tyler and Jeff would strike from the sides, exactly like the velociraptors on the Discovery Channel. Mrs. McNamara was in for a big surprise when she got back from cashing her social security check.

1 comment:

AM42 said...

The time that I spent reading the Calvin & Hobbes gallery was the best five minutes that I've had all day...
Ummm... I mean... ummmm... second best... yeah... next to reading these captions. Yeah, that's right.

IMHO, Patterson (was that the guy's name) retired that strip way too soon.

As for the photo in #8... I do not want to know where you put the quarter.