Thursday, January 06, 2005
Stop Screaming. It's Just a Picture. It Can't Hurt You.
Cupid Stunt Barbara "Batty" Boxer (D - Pacifica) today threw a childish temper tantrum on the floor of the senate in a vain, futile effort to overturn the 2004 election. (She did, however, succeed in undermining democracy just a little bit.)
1. "Damn, two more children just escaped from my gingerbread house."
2. Rates of adolescent homosexuality jumped 38% among boys when Barbara Boxer's picture graced the cover of the Teenager's Guide to Knockin' Boots Sex-Ed Manual put out by the California Department of Education.
3. Susan Sarandon stared over the lifeless body of Tim Robbins. "The bidet is not a drinking fountain," she said for the last time.
4. In other news, the Bulimia Council released its 2005 calendar today.
5. In other news, the Sierra Club declared Senator Barbara Boxer an "Enemy of the Wilderness" when it was confirmed that she did, in fact, hit every branch on the way down.
6. Portrait of a feminist enjoying a really good joke.
7. "Damn, my loogie missed Trent Lott by four inches."
8. "And the winner of the Margaret Hamilton look alike contest is...
(Sorry it's short. Got to drop off a bud at the airport.)