Thursday, January 06, 2005

Stop Screaming. It's Just a Picture. It Can't Hurt You.

Cupid Stunt Barbara "Batty" Boxer (D - Pacifica) today threw a childish temper tantrum on the floor of the senate in a vain, futile effort to overturn the 2004 election. (She did, however, succeed in undermining democracy just a little bit.)

1. "Damn, two more children just escaped from my gingerbread house."

2. Rates of adolescent homosexuality jumped 38% among boys when Barbara Boxer's picture graced the cover of the Teenager's Guide to Knockin' Boots Sex-Ed Manual put out by the California Department of Education.

3. Susan Sarandon stared over the lifeless body of Tim Robbins. "The bidet is not a drinking fountain," she said for the last time.

4. In other news, the Bulimia Council released its 2005 calendar today.

5. In other news, the Sierra Club declared Senator Barbara Boxer an "Enemy of the Wilderness" when it was confirmed that she did, in fact, hit every branch on the way down.

6. Portrait of a feminist enjoying a really good joke.

7. "Damn, my loogie missed Trent Lott by four inches."

8. "And the winner of the Margaret Hamilton look alike contest is...

(Sorry it's short. Got to drop off a bud at the airport.)


AM42 said...

Here, I'll help you out...

9. "Damn. Is it eye of newt and wing of bat, or eye of fish and tail of rat?"

10. *Sniff ...I really thought that Chris would let me play the role of Julie in "The Dodd Squad"

V the K said...

Works for me. Thankily Dankily.

song_and_dance_mam said...

Yikes a ringwraith with makeup. Well if the barn needs paiting, paint it.

AM42 said...

Hey, I've got another one!

(Looking into mirror)
"I don't have to successfully overturn the Ohio electoral vote certification...
Because all I have to do is be the best Barbara I can be...
Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!"

*Daily Affirmation with Barbara Boxer*