Saturday, January 08, 2005

A RINO, a WINO, an idiot, and a black guy walk into a cemetery.

Former American President Jimmy Carter, right, and former Republican Governor of New Jersey Christine Todd Whitman pay their respects at the grave of late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, Saturday Jan. 8, 2005.

1. "He was a rough man, but there were times when his caresses could be ever-so-tender..." "We know, Jimmy, we know."

2. "Yo! Beer man! Over here!"

3. Carter fondly recalled, "After I lost the election in 1980, Arafat offered to blow-up a busload of Republican children. He was always thoughtful that way, always thinking of others."

4. And none of them ever found out, "Rosebud" was his favorite pair of nipple clamps.

5. The men were saddened, but Christine was still puzzled by the word "Eskimo" underlined in Arafat's copy of Moby Dick.

6. Carter fumed. "Daisies! He hated Daisies! Where are the Merigolds! Oh, someone is going to get such a bitch-slap."

7. "He was actually something of a health nut," Carter would tell them later. "I remember looking in his medicine cabinet. It was full of vitamins A, Z, and T."

8. My own personal nightmare: Finding myself at Arafat's gravesite, without a huge bag of dog poop.

9. No amount of flowers could cover the stench of Arafat's rotting feet, coupled with the leftover funk of Michael Moore that Carter never got out of his jacket, and tripled by Carter's own uncontrollable uncontinence.

10. "I wonder if they ever got the gerbil out," Carter wondered.


Anonymous said...

"Hey, Yasir, always asked me to stop in for a cold one!"

Thought balloon over Secret Service agent behind Jimmah's left shoulder: "That's it, I'm shooting the sumbitch myself!"

Frank IBC said...

Um, those are lilies.