Sunday, January 16, 2005

Oh My Lack-of-God

Atheistic Attention-Whore Michael Newdow pretends to read a fax of the Supreme Court's latest to rebuke to his attempt to institutionalize Atheism as America's official state religion.

1. "What do you mean calling me an 'atheistic psycho?' I'm not a psycho, and if you call me a psycho again, I'll kill every one of you, burn your bodies, and piss on your blackened skulls!!"

2. "Michael Moore is Idiotarian of the Year? Why doesn't anyone tell me about these contests?"

3. "As an atheist, I believe that upon death our intellect is extinguished, our existence becomes void and meaningless, and our physical form becomes repugnant... so, for me, not much of a transition."

4. "Here is the list of my additional demands. I want the lower case 't' stricken from the alphabet and replaced with something less cross-like. The ACLU is with me on this."

5. It all goes back to that horrible day in 1974 when Elton John rejected his lyrics and called him a "no-talent wanker." From that day on, God was dead to him.

6. According to this survey, there's still 3 per cent of Americans who think that British guy on American Idol is a bigger asshole than me. Well, suing to change the name of every city in California with "San" in the name should change that.

7. "Oh this? It's the bill from the ACME company for all that crap I bought trying to catch that stupid evangelical roadrunner."

8. The manifesto that Newdow claimed "proved the non-existence of a Supreme Being" was found merely to consist of 666 pages of the word "God Sucks" repeated in different shades of crayon.

9. "Some idiot monks just handed me this list they claim are the nine billion names of God. What a stupid waste of... hey, weren't there stars out a few minutes ago?"

10. Slightly less annoying than his "in-your-face" atheism was Newdow's compulsive bowel movement logging.


Anonymous said...

This could be the funniest blog on the Web. Keep it up!

Van Helsing

Anonymous said...

I foggily recognize that stars-blinking-out reference. Can someone tell me who wrote that story?

Anonymous said...

Nine Billion Names of God was written by Arthur C. Clarke. It was a short story form the 50s or 60s. I first read it in short story collection published in the late 60s.