Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Governor Ahnuld Shows Off World's Largest Post-It Note

Chart in hand, the governator came to the Sacramento Bee's editorial board today in the latest stop on a statewide tour.

1. "Do Not Believe Condi. I Am HUGE!"

2. "This chart plainly shows that without steroids, I can only take on 5-7 girlie men simultaneously. But with steroids, I can wipe the floor with the asses of 46,917 girlie men."

3. "This is a chart showing that since I was elected governator, media allegations of sexual harassment are down 83%, while stories calling me the great hope of Republican moderates are up 46,917%"

4. "I'm a BIG Guhvuhnatuh, and I need a BIG cereal..."

5. "With my powerful nose muscles, I can honk a loogie with sufficient force to kill a man... although, as this chart shows, my lethality declines over distance."

6. "My forces will enter Colorado from the south, we will then march through Grand Junction to Denver before exiting here, leaving a 60 mile swath of raping and pillaging in our wake."

7. "I plan to invoke a Spanish Inquisition in 2006... bet you weren't expecting that!"

8. "Just sign here and you can drive that '97 Hyundai right off the lot today. For you, I throw in free undercoating."

9. "My proposed Girly Man Database will allow for efficient 'evacuation' of all my enemies to 'relocation camps' in Wyoming ... should it ever become necessary."

10. "Unh-unh...Read it and weep. I am a level 3 Mage with over 46,000 strength points. Your girly firecast spell has no effect on me."


AM42 said...

Boy, that Condi photo was a lucky find. It is sure to provide an endless supply of entertainment.

BTW, the real problem with today's society is that Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

lawhawk said...

Alpha, you're right - that Condi photo is most beneficial to the captioning arts.

6a) As you can see, we crushed our enemies on day one but the lamentation of the women was only at 22%. By day 10, we were up to 86%. Going forward, we expect our lamentation rate to increase by 15% per day.

AM42 said...

case in point...

"What Conduhlee-za did not tell you, is that there was shrinkage.
As you can all see from this chart of 'water temperature vs. size'..."