If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure I'm getting a few more millennia in Purgatory for captioning this.
1. Either she just voted, or she just gave Grimace a colo-rectal exam.
2. Uh, no thanks grandma, I'm just not in the mood for grape Kool-Aid right now.
3. So, how was your date with Prince?
4. Unrecognizable under his basbushka and glasses, Little Jack Horner makes his getaway.
5. Mom, I'm sorry... it wasn't the Vikings' year. Now, go wash your finger and give up the hunger strike.
6. All right, you win the two bucks. How about I set the blender on "liquefy" and we go double or nothing?
7. Another sign your manicurist may be epileptic.
8. "Listen, infidel, you are one Condi Rice/Penis joke away from me getting insurgent on your ass."
9. "... and then I plunged this finger into Barney's chest, pulled out his still beating heart, and showed it to him before he died."
10. "This is a glorious day in my country's history, and a powerful statement on the transfomational power of freedom, hard-fought and hard-won, against all odds establishing a nascent democracy in the harsh desert sands of ... Aw, Hell, he's just going to type 'pull my finger' under this picture anyway."