Kerry: Is it safe to come back? Khue Bui for Newsweek
1. "You! Hale Peasant! Toss me one of those bottled waters. Make sure it's my brand or I will thrash you in a manner reminiscent of Jenjis Khan."
2. Former Presidential candidate John Kerry was gunned-down outside the David Letterman Show studio after flashing the wrong gang sign at Biff Henderson.
3. Rosie O'Donnell's stepping up to the microphone... it really is over.
4. "So long, farewell, auf widersehn... just get the hell outta here, okay, loser."
5. Strange Factoid: The Highlights of the Kerry Campaign video synchs up with Dark Side of the Moon. This scene comes along about the time Floyd sings "The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say."
6. "And in the end.... the love you take is equal to the love you make...which explains exactly how I got f***ed over by those g*****m swiftvets."
7. Moments before the former candidate met his sad end ... whacked by a chair thrown by an out-of-contol teenage transvestite on Springer. His last words. "I don't fall down. The bitch threw a chair at me."
8. And so it ends... Not with a bang, but with a wanker...
9. Losing the election kind of sucked, but four years of getting daily wedgies from Hillary, accompanied by her trademark back-of-the-head bitch-slap and her constantly belching 'Loser' whenever he entered the Senate chamber eventually drove Kerry down the path of alcoholism and despondency.
10. Sadly, he never did figure out whether he was the douchebag or the turd sandwich.
Obscure Reference Explanation Here