Monday, January 03, 2005

Conehead Ice-Fishing Child

From the paper that brought you "Christmas Tree Shopping Geezers"

Brad Gee, 13, of Long Lake dips a waxy worm into a hole in the ice near the public access at Long Lake. He said he wasn't sure if he'd get a "keeper" or not. Sentinel-Standard/Steve DeGrush.Ionia (MI) Sentinel-Standard

1. "We warned you not to mess with the Maretto family, Miss Stone."

2. "... and when the invasion fleet from Remulac arrives, the bluntskulls will pay dearly for their insolence."

3. "'Dips a waxy worm into a hole?' Who writes this crap?"

4. "We must have the Precious-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s..."

5. "Okay, dad, I'll call the EMT's, but you have to promise never to whistle the Andy Griffith theme music again."

6. "Okay, cue the tears and... 'Mom-m-m-m, my little sister fell in the lake and I tried to save her but ...' No, doesn't sound right. They'll never buy it. 'Mom-m-m... Dad-d-d-d, something terrible just happened to little Sarah...'... no, that's not right either...

7. "Hm, maybe it was too soon after the stroke to take Grandma swimming. Oh, well."

8. "Why would I rather spend hours in sub-zero weather impaling worms on metal hooks in order to catch parasite-laden fish from an EPA Superfund site? Hey, If the alternative were watching an American Idol marathon with your family, which would you choose?"

9. "Damn lousy Germans scared all the fish away."

10. "No, dad, of course I wouldn't rather be snowmobiling with Jason and Tyler. Spending this quality time with you is so-o-o-o-o much more important."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

And later, he drove away from the lake in a Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable, a form of personal conveyance named for its inventor, an assassinated leader, a figure from Greco-Roman mythology and a small fur-bearing mammal. -- CJ