Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Condi and the Angry Inch

1. "I'm crushing your head, I'm crushing your head, Senator Biden, I am crushing your head."

2. "Senator Kerry, let me explain to you the real root cause of Islamic terrorism..."

3. Damn! Where the hell did Mr. Hat take off to this time?

4. "O.K.... let's pretend my left hand is a bad, bad terrorist..." Try as she could, Condi just couldn't simplify enough for Barbara Boxer's comprehension.

5. Moments later, Ms. Rice regained control of the Fist of Death, Senator Kerry crawled out from under his desk, and the hearings continued.

6. "Rumsfeld taught me this one, it's called, the 'Falcon's Claw,' and you can render an opponent blind or permanently impotent, depending on your aim."

7. "Confirm me or the Invisible Midget Fairy dies!!"

8. Pushed to the brink, Condi Rice questions Senator Obama's African-American credentials.

9. As Senator Boxer flailed blindly in her last few seconds of life, Condi calmly wiped off the bloody gavel. "That'll teach her for wearing white shoes after Labor Day."



Mister Bixby said...

"Boxer! I am THIS close to openin a can o'whoopass all over your sorry white pimply ass!"

Anonymous said...

"This big! Senator Kennedy, if you are going to insist on showing it to people, hand them a magnifying glass first!"


V the K said...

"Ms Rice, a Monica Lewinsky Impression does not answer the question."

AM42 said...

Your problem, Senator Kerry, is that apparently you think this is nine inches!

jsoffer said...

Cheers for "Rumsfeld taught me this one" jokes.

Anonymous said...

"No, Senator Kennedy, I will NOT get you 'this much bourbon' and a bowl of pretzels."

Anonymous said...

"If you Dems had this much collective brains, you'd understand what we are trying to do."

Straight Up with Sherri said...

"Senator "sloshed" Kennedy, let me repeat. If you had just thiiis much MANHOOD, not only would Mary Jo Kopechne still be alive, but Blabs Boxer and Maureen DoDo would not be so sexually frustrated."