On Inauguration Day, I thought it might be a good time to check back in with those spoiled brat, pharmaceutically-leveled, navel-gazing cry-babies at Sorry-Everybody-dot-com, who will spend today joining infantile protests or sobbing into their lattes.
1. Penn despaired. Teller was dead, and all the street magic in the world would not bring him back or dispose of all the forensic evidence.
2. What should you do now? Let me suggest, 1.) Take a shower, 2.) Get a job, 3.) Move out of your parents' basement...
3. Rodin's The Whiner
4. Don't despair. Just because Jerry Seinfeld dumped you doesn't mean there aren't lots of guys out there who'd love to meet a butch chick with ginormous man-hands
5. What should you do now? Okay, first of all, "Super-Size" is a privilege, not a right. Learn it. Love it. Live it.
6. Dude! Your pants are still up... and that's not the sh*tter!
7. What should you do? Buck up, go downtown, and open up "The Android's Dungeon" same as any other day, Comic Book Guy.
8. A leftie's worst nightmare... the clock radio goes off, "I Got You Babe" starts playing, and January 20, 2005 starts over, and over, and over again...
9. She's gone, yeah, and she's never coming back... but ask yourself, is a woman who refuses to be married in a traditional Klingon ceremony really the right woman for you?
10. What should you do now? Um, maybe wash the blood out of the shower before the cops notice your twink "roommate" is missing?