Monday, January 31, 2005
100% pure nightmare fuel
1. "Oh... and for God's sake, if you need a potty break, do not say 'I need to go to the little boys' room.'"
2. "Oddjob, take Mr. Bond to the llama pen." "Yes, Boyfinger."
3. Hey, if your best friend was a feces-throwing chimp named 'Bubbles,' you'd want an umbrella at all times, too.
4. The Peterson's new lawn jockey creeps me out.
5. Somewhere, an emaciated French clown is missing a suit.
6. And the moral of this picture is, never fall asleep with your nose on a derm abrasion wheel.
7. So, apparently, Boyfinger asked his plastic surgeon for Kirstie Alley's hair, Keri Strug's body, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial's eyes, and GI Cody's genitalia.
8. "What do you expect me to do, Boyfinger? Talk?" "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to take a seven figure settlement to keep your mouth shut, like the others."
9. Among the incriminating evidence, a stack of letter to Highlights Forum.
10. His surgeon warned Boyfinger that his face was subject to spontaneous combustion if it were ever exposed to direct sunlight.