Monday, December 20, 2004

You could photoshop an anti-Bush slogan into this picture, drop it into Sorry-Everybody-dot-com and nobody would notice

Pop star Michael Jackson waves after greeting several hundred children that were invited guests at his Neverland Ranch home - AP

1. Disney's remake of Mary Poppins. was scuttled by a catastrophic casting decision.

2. "My slumber parties are perfectly innocent and the children get to have all the Jesus Juice... I mean, Juicy Juice... they can drink."

3. "As your publicist, I advise you that your only hope is to marry someone even scarier, creepier, and less worthy of being trusted around children than you are. Mr. Jackson, I'd like you to meet your new fiance, Courtney Love."

4. Because plastic surgery has reduced his nostrils to the size of pinholes, Michael Jackson has no choice but to pick his friend's nose.

5. Michael Jackson once again blunders into controversy by referring to "Toys 'R' Us" as "The Bait Shop."

6. In 2006, Michael Jackson produced and directed a documentary film using heavily doctored footage to make the claim that George W. Bush was a delusional, plastic surgery-addicted pedophile. He won the Palm d'Or at Cannes and regained the full measure of his respect and celebrity among the media elites.

7. "A is for Albert, molested by Michael/B is for Brian, also molested by Michael/C is for Charlie ..." Gashlycrumb Tinies, 2004.

8. Disney's remake of The Avengers was scuttled by a catastrophic casting decision.

9. Apparently, someone told him it was raining men.

10. You don't really realize how dirty the song "Afternoon Delight" is until you hear Michael Jackson singing it in a karaoke duet with a fifth-grader.


Anonymous said...

Very nice! Although I was waiting for a line like...

"Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

Anonymous said...

D*mn! Talk about a creepy smile.

V the K said...

"Ever Dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight..."

Damn, wish I had thought of that.