Friday, November 26, 2004: An enormous Elmo balloon seems to be reaching out to the Wayne County Sheriffs Mounted unit during the 78th Annual Thanksgiving Parade in downtown Detroit.
1. "Damn it, Johnson, I know it's tempting, but if you pull Elmo's finger, it could damn well destroy the entire city!"
2. "Hey, maybe after the parade, you can take me back to your place and... tickle me."
3. Another raid at the Neverland Ranch was initiated after molestation complaints by Giant Children.
4. "STOP THE PARADE!! Elmo isn't supposed to be shouting obscenities!!"
5. Police were powerless as the Life-Size Naked Sunburned Michael Moore continued its rampage through the city.
6. "That big red character behind us rakes in over a billion dollars a year in merchandising fees alone and still gets a half billion in taxpayer subsidies... we definitely arrest the wrong people."
7. On a controversial Sesame Street, Elmo takes out JFK from behind the grassy knoll.
8. "Elmo says, 'Fight the power! Off the pigs! Legalize It!'" "Take him down, men."
9. "The horses are okay, but do you ever fantasize about being cyborg super-cops with rocket packs and machine-gun arms?"
10. "Well, the one I rode in on isn't interested, so there!"