Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Sorry Losers, Part XVIII
Yet another androgynous Bush-hater from sorry-everybody-dot-com.
1. S/he’s sorry, and his/her over-sized rectal thermometer is also sorry.
2. “I’m so depressed, I think I’ll call my partner Chris, and our friends Kelly and Joe, and we’ll have a special night on the town… just us… colleagues.”
3. Howard Stern is taken off the air permanently after a call from Florida on the topic of “Deviant uses for cordless phone antennas.”
4. “Yes, I’m overcome with Post-Election Selection Trauma and won’t be in to teach girls gym today.”
5. “Grandpa, if you’re just going to go on and on about your chest pains, I’m gonna hang up right now. Whine. Whine. Whine.”
6. “Oh, no! A black man in our neighborhood! Better dial 9-1 and stand by.”
7. “No… a sheepshank knot is only going to slip low on your neck and choke you slowly. What you want is a three-coil noose with a bowline coil at the end. Snap your neck in a jiffy. Glad I could help, buh-bye.” The new Volunteer was unclear on the concept of a Suicide Hotline.
8. “I'm tired of talking to the cops! One of you hostages come here and talk to the cops! And tell those pigs I'll blow your head off if my demands aren’t met!”
9. “They said I’m a sexually ambiguous loser with no fashion sense, Psychic Friends My Ass!”
10. "Hey! What's the number for 911?"