Thursday, December 02, 2004
Sorry Losers, Part XV
More frowny faces and dull-witted sentiments from sorryeverybody-dot-com...
1. For a moment, I was too overwhelmed by the glamor, beauty and eloquence of the left to make any captions.
2. "Dear Womyn, Sorry Ain't Gonna Cut It. Do you know how much waste and pollution is caused in the production of Birkenstocks? Did you tear off a piece of one of my beautiful trees to make that pathetic apology note? Why don't you get a job or something? (signed) Earth."
3. Look, I wouldn't go for the obvious lesbian captions, but how many women keep a framed schematic of the "Pleasure-Vibe 8000" on their wall?
4. "Well, ma, the reason Diane Keaton looks cute in glasses and a hat is because Diane Keaton isn't a horsey-faced skank like you."
5. "O.K., I support your right to free expression, but Dad, watching you put on make-up while whispering 'I'd f*ck me' just creeps me out."
6. "Mom, you always told me I was the result of a backstage tryst with Prince at his 1986 New Year's Eve show, but I did some checking and it turns out the opening act that night was Carrot Top. Care to amend your story?"
7. "So, what do you say later we hop on the broom and ride over to Cousin Endora's?"
8. "'Uncle Bruce' is right, dad. Neither one of us can accesorize for sh*t."
9. "Mom, if our apology to Gaia and our supplications to the Blood Moon Goddess still fail to get rid of my burning crotch rash, then can we go to a doctor?"
10. "So it is agreed. Tomorrow we shall kill everything that has testicles."