A young Iranian boy protester wears mock explosives on his body during a rally to support Palestinians in Tehran Friday Nov. 12, 2004. (AP Photo/Hasan Sarbakhshian)
1. "Dad, maybe if you just asked Mr. Anderson for the table saw back, he'd give it to you. Do I have to blow up his entire family?"
2. "Dad said he loved me best, and that's why I get to blow up the... hey, wait a minute."
3. "Yeah, the kaffiyeh and bomb belt are pretty bad, but not as bad as when they make me wear the cocktail dress and f*ck me pumps."
4. "Cool. United just bumped me to first class and gave me 5,000 frequent flier miles. Thanks, ACLU."
5. "It still beats working for Kathy Lee Gifford."
6. "So, your fantasy is to combine a suicide bomber with a drum majorette? I hope you burn in hell, dad."
7. "Is that Arafat's dead, disembodied hand reaching for my crotch? Even in death he's still got it."
8. "Mr. Jackson only insists that I wear the veil in public. His Nation of Islam bodyguards suggested the explosives."
9. They warned Abdul that relationships on the rebound were doomed to fail, but he was determined to win over Governor McGreevey.
10. "Dorothy, you bitch, red tape on the dynamite and a green headband? Hello What were you thinking? Why not just wrap me in gold tinsel and call me a Christmas tree. If my girlfriends see me in this atrocity, they are going to take away all my princess points."