Friday, October 01, 2004

What They Really Wanted to Say

Democratic nominee John Kerry and President George W. Bush speak at the conclusion of their first presidential debate, at the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida September 30, 2004.
- Photo by Jim Bourg/Reuters

1. (Bush)"Hey, watch the hands, 'Ace.' Edwards may dig it, but I don't swing that way."

2. (Kerry)"I may look like Lurch, but at least I don't have Uncle Fester for my vice-president."

3. (Bush)"Yeah, well, the Packers play at Lambeau Field, there's no such player as Manny Ortez, and people from Michigan hate the Buckeyes, dumb-ass."

4. (Kerry)"Go choke on a pretzel, peasant-hugger."

5. (Bush)"You know what I got here? It ain't tan-in-a-can, it's whoop-ass, and I'm gonna open it up on your sorry butt."

6. (Kerry)"Bring it on, I'll flip-flop you into the middle of next week."

7. (Bush)"Yeah, right. By the way, I talked to your wife, she said a baseball ain't the only thing you can't get over the plate and into the mitt."

8. (Kerry)"I'll throw you like I threw my medals over the wall. Ribbons. Whatever."

9. (Bush)"Shitcan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, too/Pashwan, Islamabad, camel-cunt stew/Iraq ain't Vietnam, not with Rumsfeld in my crew/ And this Texas cowboy'll kick the crap out of you... there, you just got served, mutha-f*ckah."

10. (Kerry)"Jim Carrey makes a better speaker than you when he's talking from his ass!"


Colt said...


*s in mutha-f*ckah but not in 'cunt'? Fair enough :-)

Anonymous said...

I have to go to a potluck at my son's school tonight and I am taking a crockpot full of homemade minestrone and now I'm gonna be thinking "camel cunt stew." Thanks a million, Mr. Kurlander. :-p

josh narins said...

Bush will rap about as soon as these here pigs, they sprout them some wings, flap'em, and fly azzup in the air.
But the rest was pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

Didn't know how else to get this to you, but here's a photo just crying out for captions:

Colt said...

Here's one of Arafat that is gagging for a caption contest: